The Asher Chronicles - Part.2 - April 2005

13th April 2005 - Diary Entry

Tomorrow im going to be induced at 8pm which will be good. I cant wait to get him out of me. I havent felt nervous yet but im starting to worry a bit now about the pain. I think im gonna need drugs for sure cause I dont think I can handle the pain.
The Dr today said that when I get in there they will probably put the gel in then encourage me to sleep unless labor starts straight away. Then if nothing has happened by Friday morning they will break my waters. Im going to try and stay up late tonight and sleep in tomorrow morning so I can stay awake for as long as possible tomorrow night in case something happens.
So finally by this Friday me and Greg will have our boy and then on Monday next week if everything is fine we should be able to bring him home.

26th April 2005 - Diary Entry- Asher is Born

Well finally me and Greg have our boy at home. The birth was painful but it wasnt as bad or long as I expected it would be.
On the 14th Greg, Helei, and myself arrived at the hospital all ready to be induced. I was taken up to the delivery suite and was put in a really nice room. It was huge, it had a bath and some chairs & table, fridge, its own bathroom and shower.
When I got in there they inserted the gel onto my cervix and then hooked me up to two monitors. One to monitor the babies heartbeat and the other to monitor contractions.
They said that usually for first time pregnancies the gel doesnt do much and I would probably have to have my waters broken at 6am the next morning. They told me I should probably try and sleep. Anyway the gel was already giving me pains and after a while I wasnt sure whether I was meant to be still feeling them or not so I got Helei to go and ask the midwife.
At that stage I think they were mild contractions but getting stronger. Greg and Helei decided that it was best if they went home and got some sleep and left me to get some to. After they left the pains got heaps worse and I couldnt sleep so in the end the midwife ended up giving me a shot of pethadine to take the pain away. After that I slept for an hour and half and then woke up in heaps of pain. That was at 4am in the morning. At 5.15am I was lying in bed when I had a sharp painful contraction and my water broke so I buzzed the midwife who came in quickly.
The water just kept coming out! I thought it would all just gush outh then stop but it actually keeps coming out for quite a while afterwards. By this stage I was in a lot of pain and I was praying Greg and Helei wouldnt be late cause they had said they would be back at 6am. The midwife asked if I wanted pain relief and I said i'd wait till Greg got there and id ask him.
Time flew and before I knew it Helei and Greg walked in, I've never been so happy to see them in all my life. I then decided I needed the epidural so the anethetist came in explained everything and then inserted the needles. Helei had to leave the room for that cause she hates needles, but Greg was there with me. At that stage they checked to see how many centimetres I was and I was 2cm dilated. Once the drugs took effect I was okay again and it was bearable. By 10am the midwife checked how dilated I was again and by that stage I was already 8cm!! So that meant I didnt need the drip and I could start pushing soon. Greg was heaps excited whehn she said that, he was bouncing around the room.
Pushing wasnt painful but it was very exhausting. The midwife brought in a mirror so I could see what was happening and I could see the head. The head was down really far so Greg and Helei got a glove and felt his little head. After what seemed like ages he still wasnt out and all of a sudden the room was filled with heaps of doctors. They brought the suction thing to suck him out of me cause apparently they can suffocate fairly quickly and needed to get him out as soon as possible.
Anyway they attached the suction and as I pushed they sucked and all of a sudden he slid out. Afterwards I found out they had to cut me cause his shoulder was stuck. I think we all started crying when he came out. After he was wrapped he was given to me to hold and I finally got to see my handsome little man. I love him heaps and stacks.

I spent three days in hospital but are really glad to be home with him as is Greg. Its been hard so far not getting enough sleep. I think the thing I miss most is spending time alone with Greg and just hanging out. I love our boy but I really need to just hang out with Greg by ourselves.
Our families have been really helpful though, especially Helei and Jed and mum. Hopefully this Thursday when mum is over me and Greg can go out and do something by ourselves.

Monday - May - Diary Entry

I had my first mothers day yesterday. Me and Greg and Asher spent it at mums house and I got breakfast in bed and a cool pen and some utensils. Ash has been a bit sniffly today and he has coughed a few times so I hope he hasnt got a cold.
Its Gregs first day back at work today and its a bit quite around here and I miss him, I hope he is okay. I was expecting Helei to come over today but I guess shes working or something cause she hasnt called or anything and its already about 12.30. The cleaner is coming tomorrow and then on Friday the people from Child and Youth Health are coming over to check how we are all going. Then on Saturday its Artlans birthday, then later this month Asher has to go back to the cardiologist for his check up. Ash will be 1 month old this Friday and you can already see a difference in his face and he's bigger, chubbier and longer.
Im really getting used to this now. I was really upset at first because I thought me and Greg would never get to spend time together like we used to, but so far we have had nights alone together and its been great. Im coping a lot better with the lack of sleep. Ash is really a very good boy. He nearly sleeps through the night. He only really wakes up once and then a little later in the morning. I love him heaps. I cant wait till he can start talking to me and Greg and walk around and stuff.

16th June 2005 - Diary Entry

Me and Greg have been together for 1 yr and 10mths today. Tonight Helei and Jed are looking after Asher so that we can have a night to ourselves. Ash has been so good lately. He has been sleeping from about 12.30 to 6.15 approx. Ever since Leanne looked after him he has been sleeping really well. Last night he slept more than he ever has before. He slept from 12.30 to 10am!!! I went in to check on him twice because I thought something was wrong. Anyway he fed had a bath and was back to sleep by 11. Hopefully he'll sleep well for Helei tonight.

The Asher Chronicles - Part.1 - August 2004

17th August 2004 - Diary Entry.

What a day. Im sitting at home by myself now and panicing like crazy. I missed my period and have been feeling nauseas, not a good sign obviously. On the way home I bought a pregnancy test and greg called me on the bus saying he wasnt getting home until about 10pm, thank goodness!! cause now I have time to think.

The test was positive ARGH!!!! I think im gonna die. Theres no way I can tell greg. I started to panic so I went to the phone box and called Helei and told her. She was excited!! Oh my gosh now shes meant to be calling me back from Jeds phone if she can. I hope she can cause im so worried. I dont need this now. What am I gonna do.

18th August 2004 - Diary Entry.

Okay weeeell I told Greg and he was really good about it. Thank goodness I have the most wonderful man in the world. I love Greg so much. I cant wait til he gets home so I can give him a big squishy hug.
I told mum today. I love my mummy she was so cool about it, she was actually really happy about it. She wrote me an email after I told her and she wrote that she was happy I shared with her and she would support me no matter what me and greg decide.

Gregs been feeling weird today, he said he's feeling excited but strange about it. Then he said we really need to talk and stuff. Im sort of excited to. I dont know if I could get rid of it. I mean im a christian and morally and ethically its not right to kill a baby no matter how small. I've always been against abortion. I guess everythings a bit different when your in this situation though. And its not all my decision anyway its Gregs to. I cant wait til he gets home. I've been feeling really sick especially in the morning and my tits hurt a little bit and I feel weird and maybe a little emotional. I just cried at the stupidest thing on telly. Neighbours of all things.

I still havent told Kelly and Sam. Im gonna tell Sam on Friday night when he comes over. Im a little nervous about telling Kelly actually so I dont know when im gonna tell her, maybe on Saturday.
Boy do I ever love Greg, he is the best thing that ever happened to me. Tonight we are going over to Helei and Jeds to talk and have dinner and stuff. I really hope I dont get fat. Thats my only fear.

16th December 2004 - Diary Entry

I feel sick coming up my throat how gross!!

Yesterday me and Greg went to our drs appointment. When we were in with the nurse lady waiting for the Dr she said that when they did my ultrasound they couldnt see everything so they were gonna have to do another one then to see the things they had missed. Anyway when she said that I started panicing inside thinking he's missing an arm or a leg or something and that I dont want a baby without all his bits and pieces. Anyway then I asked the lady if its normal for them not to be able to see everything and she said that it is and that they couldnt spot some blood valve things and his bladder. Anyway I was relieved to hear that.

When the Dr came in he looked really tired he apologised and said he had been working for two days and just had a shower. I cant believe these Drs are made to work like that. Two days without sleep! My eyes would be closing poor guy. Anyway he set up the ultrasound and pointed out everything and we got to see our boy again. He was opening and closing his mouth and moving about and waving him arms. It was very cute. He was sitting in a breech position when the Dr was doing the ultrasound and we got another photo and saw his little face.
The Dr said Oh its pretty obvious its a boy and pointed out his little willy, then he said he had an erection!! How Gross!!! Yuk! Anyway later Greg said 'what do you think hes thinking about?' I just said 'gross I dont know!' and Greg said 'Maybe he's trying to make love to your kidneys!' 'Gross, I am soooo grossed out.

The 'Asher Chronicles'

Okay so as some of you know I have a son called Asher. He is four years old and has Hypotonic Cerebral Palsy and frontal lobe damage. That by no means defines who he is.
He is a couragious and strong willed little guy. He's had to be tough. But he's my baby, my asher bear - who gives big cuddles when he chooses to those he chooses. He's tough at the best of times, life is tough at the best of times, but I wouldnt change him for the world. I would fix him if I could, but his personality - who he is on the inside is perfect just the way it is.
He has a strength beyond his years like many children who face challenges and circumstances beyond their control or even understanding for that matter.
He doesnt understand why he cant run or why he falls over all the time and other kids dont. He doesnt question why he is different and if someone says he cant do something he is determined to prove them wrong in his own time. He can do anything - that is what we are teaching him. He should not be bound by what he 'cant' do - he should discover all the wonderful things he can do and when he does he does it with this steely concentration, and he will do it until its done perfectly to his standards.
He is an inspiration and for some reason god trusted me to keep him and learn from him. I am still learning, I dont know exactely what that is but from the moment I was thrown in the deep end I have been swimming and from womb to world this is the story of Asher.