Well its been an interesting week to say the least. I dont know how animated this blog is going to be cause quite frankly I am flat. You know those weeks that seem to fly by and everything seems to go flawlessly?? Me neither. Its been so long I forget what they look like.
On the other hand I can tell you about those other weeks. The truly shit weeks. Theres no nicer way to put it. Theres really no need to cause it has been that bad. Let me teach you some of the basics. There are two things parents fear the most, more than lice or being pulled into the principals office, more than finding your little angel playing in a puddle and realising its actually their own wee, and more than finding a floater in the bath.
Its Vomit and then Diarrhea and then vomit and diarrhea together. I am not kidding. These two things and then these two things combined make you wish you'd just spontaniously combust. Im sure if you actually struck up a match in the vicinity of the gases coming from my two little sick puppies you would go up in a ball of flames.
Lets just say its been a long week. WEEK. Thats right week, these things dont go away overnight unfortunately as hard as I prayed to god to make it, I think my knuckles were bleeding from clenching my hands so tight. Thank the lord though, and I am truly GRATEFUL (??) that I only got the arse end of things. What a weird thing to say hey?.
Well feeling sorry for myself and surfing the chat rooms I discovered a lady who woke up this week to her child vomiting into her mouth. 'Hey mummy I feel sick BLAA'... so totally gross and then the mother was so grossed out she vomited back. So it could have been worse. So that is why I thank the lord. Even though I was scooping up shit all week. And you know what? It wouldnt have been that bad if it was in the toilet or a nappy but Indie has this thing right. Every time she gets sick she will not go on the toilet. It drives me insane. And its not only cause I think she cant make it in time because there were some times that they wernt so runny they were dripping down her legs. That and the fact she was peeing her knickers as well makes me think she just has this weird little annoying habit of reverting to a baby when shes sick.
I have thrown so many knickers in the bin this week and it killed me cause they were her Dora knickers. Big deal I hear you saying? Well dont knock it, dont you know Dora's cool. So I like Dora she taught me some spanish, its true. Anyway so after, I think I lasted a day, of washing knickers I started tossing them in the bin, as well as her last pair of pants. I couldnt stand it any longer and I did ration that they were only seven dollars. Just dont remind me on one of those weeks that im raiding the kids money tins to scrape enough together for milk and bread, I could do a lot with an extra seven bucks thats for sure. Ah life in your twenties hey, well at least I can tell myself things will improve when I turn thiry, no more counting pennies and it cant be worse than my earlier years of surviving on two minute noodles. Anyway back to the point, I've had a pretty shitty week, no pun intended.
But it didnt end there. See I took the kids to play outside and we were all having fun by the swings, I was weeding, obsessively I find it calming, when indie said in her little sweet voice 'I got toilet!' Holy Cow okay 'Lets Go!', and we run to the toilet whip her pants down to discover she'd already done it in her pants and now it was all down her legs. (Picture me right here banging my head against the wall.)
So they were the knickers and pants that ended up in the bin but I still had to wash the little bug so I put her in the shower and was washing shit off her legs when I heard Ashy crying. Fantastic, he was still outside by himself. Imaging he'd fallen over and couldnt get back up, I hurry Indie out of the shower so I can attend to my other problem outside.
So Indie wrapped in towel and sitting on the couch I go outside to discover Ash standing by the swings screaming with his foot in the air (as far as in the air goes for ashy) - He'd been stung by a bee on the bottom of his foot. Fantastic. What the hell was I going to tell Greg. And honestly thats the first thought I had because Gregs always bitching about shoes on the kids when they are outside, and even though he had shoes on when he first went outside, they hadnt stayed on for long.. That wasnt gonna fly. Shit.
Anyway Greg was asleep, hopefully he stayed that way. Well god must have been attending to someones elses needs at this stage because just as I put ashy down on the couch, foot in hand with a pair of tweezers and ashy screaming his little heart out, Gregs walks out. Right now Im thinking 'oh just go away you silly bitch' but no he pipes up with 'whats happened'? 'Bee sting' I mumble and then it starts 'bitch bitch blaa blaa' I guess I sort of tuned out cause I knew it was coming, I think I might have said 'whatever' or 'shut up' but anyway I was trying to find a torch at this point and concentrating on trying to get a stinger out the bottom of his pudgy little foot.
So stinger removed, check, he was fine, still crying, and I had to go. Indie had an appointment to get to to see the urologist at the hospital. Which is another story all together because if you cared to look that up you'd find out she had to have a kidney and bladder ultrasound, fantastic considering she had diarrhea and was using her pants as a means of disposal. For your information, just cause I bet your wondering, yes she did poo her pants in the waiting room. Pause for your laughter.
Anyway so I leave the house with instructions for Greg to call an ambulance if he starts to have trouble breathing or is swelling up. Asher being the smart little cookie that he is proceeded to tell me he was having trouble breathing (he wasnt), 'tell your dad all about it' I said as I walked out the door. Okay well I bet you think the story ends there, but alas it doesnt, and although there was more poo - one very disastrous occasion being in the bank, I think we've heard enough about poo full stop.
Well those of you that know ashy know he has Cerebral Palsy and is my floppy little rag doll. So how it goes is when he falls down he doesnt have the strength to brace himself with his bendy little arms and he bops his little face full force to the floor. Nothing much you can do to prevent it and its happened many a time, so much so for a time he had a permanent bruise to the bottom of his chin.
Anyway there were three occasions when this happened previously and he knocked his two front teeth till they were wobbly and one looked like it was starting to die. The last time he fell like that he had his dummy in his mouth and his gum was bloody and bruised, a trip to the dentist or two and his teeth were fine, no nerve damage. Anyway his teeth didnt die and they had there color back and then it happened again. Just this last week.
And the funny thing was, not funny haha, he was only about four inches off the ground. But he had his dummy in his mouth so it banged them up pretty bad. his tooth was bleeding and when I was trying to find out if he'd bitten through his lip or something blood sort of went everywhere and he freaked out. He screamed for about an hour because he thought he teeth were going to fall out. So finally I convinced him they wernt going to fall out and he would only occasionally burst into little whimpers when he remembered that it hurt.
Aside from that its just been the usual capers like telling asher he would turn into a cat if he shared his dinner with the cat. So when he didnt stop I told him I could see whiskers growing he burst into tears 'but I dont want to be a kitty cat!'. So now for the rest of the week even though I told him I was tricking, he's been asking me 'mum if I dont go to bed will I turn into a kitty cat?' 'mum if I dont eat this will I turn into a kitty cat?' etc etc and its even gone as far as him telling Indie when shes misbehaving (or not following his orders) thats she'll turn into a kitty cat, and then theres the times he just starts meowing. So I guess kids really do believe what you tell them, and in that case I better tell Indie that there is no Monster that will eat her if she does another poo in her pants (I can be so mean).
